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[10 Dec 2006|04:06pm]

Things have been so gay recently.

You ever wonder what things would be like if u just changed one thing you did in your past?...If your life would be better...Maybe even worse?

Would you still have the same friends? Same outlook on things. Would you still be where u are today. Idk i was thinking about it alot today actulley.

Wondered if maybe my relationship with timothy would be better if i had only done things the way they shouldve been...Maybe he'd be happier. And we wouldnt fight so much. Maybe i wouldnt be afriad to talk to him like i am.

Idk..

I really do wish i was more open with him. I have this intense fear that if i say something that i think or feel or something and i think hell get mad at me or upset with me and well end up arguing when i know he reassures me that he wont i do it anyway. And i keep all this junk locked up inside.

I really need to learn to open up..i think that owuld help our relationship a thousnad times more than anything. But i cant right now i just dont know how.

Ergh. I hate myself for it sometimes.

I love him with everything. And i know he knows that. But sometimes its just so hard to show him the affection he wants. Because i cant control the way i feel about things. So i feel like im a bad wife or something.I just wish things could be diffrent sometimes. And i know they could be...if i would just let them. But noooo daneilles gotta be a dumb bitch for the rest of her life...

My offical goal inlife is not to be a bitch anymore.
But it doesnt seem to be working.

1 thought | think of me

[04 Dec 2006|03:59am]
I am so fucking sick of wondering.

Im sick of being paranoid.

Im REALLY sick of feeling as if i waste my time.


Im sick of being needy..

Im sick of being jealous.


IM SICK OF ME!!!!

FUCK.

Just fuck off.
think of me

And only to be called a disgrace... [12 Nov 2006|02:50am]

Well i have updated in a while because i do the same things over and over all the time...
And well i dont like sitting here on the computer to type.

But i'll quickly do one.

Ummm.Lets see.
Not much to talk about i mean im getting fat? Haha basket ball in the tummy(cassie)..Im 6 1/2 months pregnent right now.
She moves alot to. And it feels funny but i love to lay there and feel the lil kicks.
Its awsome.
I think she knws the diffrence in whos touching my belly to cuz when ever timothy rubs it she goes nuts.
I think its silly.

I still work overnights at walmart.
Timothy now works there to.
So were doing good with that..

I love my job.
(when allys not there)

Timothys b-day is coming up.
No one has responded to me about coming to his b-day party...
Idk why.

So far this is the list i have:
-Pat
-Tim
-Randy
-Chris
-Stuart
-Keith
-Pat
-Cassie
-Nicole Brooks
-Nicoles Bf(dont know his name)
-Nichole Clark
-Peter
-Courtney(MAYBE)
-Tiffany(MAYBE)
-Masoom


Thats it i think?
Ive invited so many ppl to.

Joelle if u read this ur invited to i dont know if u got my invitation or not but its on the 12th of decmeber at 6pm.

So yea.
Ppl should really let me know.

I plan on getting timothy the Xbox360 for his bday.
Cuz i know he wants it reall bad.

I have another Doctors Appt on wensday.
How exciting.

I really want mcdonalds.
=/

I think im going to dye my hair soon to.
Prolly dark brown..i think it will look better that way.

People never come over anymore either.
Its kinda depressing.
Like everyone thinks that i dont come around anymore or timothy doesnt.
And that they dont know where we live or whatever, but thats bullshit
Cuz we moved like what a block!?!?!?!
And you have enough time and money and gas to go hang at the fuckin mall every friday night.
And do other plans with other people but you cant come see me or him?
Or better yet get enough time to come see him on his freakin birthday.
Eh im just so annoyed with the whole thing.

And this whole excuse that people wont come over bcause i wont let them is bullshit also.
Cuz ive been trying really hard to get along with certain people and get over past shit thats happned.
Im even trying to make a menz with Nicole and invited her to timothys b day.

So dont use that stupid excuse either.
And working people. Have time to.
Masoom works all the time.
but he still stops by.
Chris works randy works staurt works i work timothy works.
But we make time for other people.



Sorry about my rraniting but im sick of being miserable about not having friends and being blamed for not having friends.


Well im done.

3 thoughts | think of me

[01 Nov 2006|06:45pm]
Suspects on the loose after stabbing
Updated: 11/1/2006 11:41 AM
By: Web Staff

Schenectady police are looking for two suspects in a stabbing on Altamont Avenue. Investigators say the two attackers came up to the victims, ages 18 and 19, and demanded money.

According to police the robbers then stabbed the older victim several times in the neck and back. But the younger victim fought back and the two suspects fled the scene without getting anything. Police think they might have left in a black two-door sedan.

Police say the stabbing suspect is a black male, short and heavy-set, in his late teens or early-20's, and wore dark clothes. The other suspect is described as a black male, tall and skinny, also in his late teens or early-20's. He was reportedly wearing dark clothes, a yellow and black baseball cap and a ski mask.

The stabbing victim is currently listed in stable condition at a local hospital, the other victim wasn't hurt.

think of me

[01 Nov 2006|04:23pm]
Okay well just a quick update tol et everyone know that Michael (Nikkis thing bf or whatever) Is in Albany Med.
He got stabbed several times in the neck and in the back on altamont ave last night because to black guys jumped them in ski masks
But hes in stable condition right now...
So hope for the best with him..

Ill update later when i found out more about what happned..
1 thought | think of me

[30 Oct 2006|05:09pm]
Timothys bday is coming up

So for all of those i invtied to come to his party..

Its either on the 11th or 12th..OF DECMEBER

MAKE SURE U TAKE THOSE 2 DAYS OFF IF YOU ARE WORKING..HE WANTS EVERYONE I INVITED TO COME..

PLEASE THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!!!!
think of me

[27 Oct 2006|03:42pm]
OK so quick update.

Last night went to see SAW III

The movie was AMAZING

It had more twists and more action in it than the last two...It really told the whole story of everything to which was nice.
I definitly think everyone should go see it i wont give anything away yet.

But yea it was fucking awsome.
think of me

GAH!! [26 Oct 2006|10:37pm]
Okay then nothing to do really.

Todays my day off.
I was supposed to go to see saw 3 tonite.

But i dont think thats going to happen because timothy got caught up in another stupid video game...
And stuart didnt answer his phone.
But this is a half hour after i told timothy to call him the first time.


Yeaa..
Im just a lil aggravated right now.
think of me

So What Now? [22 Oct 2006|11:57pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]

Wow.
I should definitly be at work right now.

But the power was out all up eearie Blvd. into scotia.

And Super Wally World didnt have any power...

So no work for me tonite.
I get to sleep. YAY. =)

2 thoughts | think of me

I Hate Me. [22 Oct 2006|07:26pm]
Ive been so depressed latley.

*Sigh*

Dont know why.
Cant figure things out in my head anymore. Its like at first im okay and im happy and laughing but the next minute i want to run into a corner and cry and just let it all out.

But im so afraid to explain why im so sad all the time.
Why i cant just let things go.

Why cant i be me again??

I want to able to trust everyone again.
be able to trust what people say to me and that they care.
I wanna have my friends back.

I want my old life back.
When me and timothy were happy and had no care in the world.
Where i wasnt terrified of losing everything ive worked so hard for in him.
*Sigh*

but thats a whole other story....


Moving onto my next complaint.

Sometimes i really hate myspace.
I get such stupid messages from people.
They piss me off.
Always trying to interfere with me and timothy.

Im not getting into it.
I really just hate the whole myspace thing now.


Whatever.

I have a doctors appt. tommrow.
At like 830.
Which means i ont get any sleep
Cuz i work tonite from 10-2 and then i dont get home till like 230-3.
But i have to leave here at 7 to get there early.


Ergh.
Why me.
3 thoughts | think of me

What? More Blood...DAMNIT [18 Oct 2006|04:40pm]
Yea so ive been sick. Go me.

I went to the doctors to like get checked out cuz i was in so much pain. Gots me some meds.
So now im feelin better.

Got my check up today and everythings good.
And then i had to get some test done to check for diabetes. Which i have to call back for in like 10 minutes to get results.
But im lazy.


Im soooo tired i only got like 4 hours of sleep and i have work tonite.
YAY.
I payed some of my bills today so i wont be terribly behind.

Found out my cat has FUCKING FLEAS AGAIN!!!

Because some stupid bitch gave us a couch and the couch had fleas in it and now my Katana has them.
I had a terrible breakdown last night i was terrified for her.
I dont like seeing her in pain..thats my little girl. My baby.!!

But timothy promised me he'd do anything to get her better so that put a smile on my face.
I miss his mom :[ she should move back here.
Im bored

I need food.


Uhh...
Oh i might be at the mall friday if masoom reads this and comes to my house and ill go with him.
Yupp.
Im Done.


Dont be fat heroine junkies you douchbags.
(remember kids i insilt you because i care.)
2 thoughts | think of me

I'll wear your skin as a suit pretend to be you, your friends will like you more than they used to. [15 Oct 2006|05:19pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

Okay wow.
Daneille hasnt updated.
So i presume that im doing it now.


Yay?

Okay well i gots a new job. AT SUPER  WALLY  WORLD!!..
Its a good job most of the time.
I work from 10 at night until 2 in the morning for now cuz they dont want to put that much stress on me cuz of the pregnencie and everything.
So yea.

I havent done mich other than work.
I dont have the money to go anywhere and the fact that i sleep until 4 in the afternoon prolly doesnt help either.

Timothy's brother brong over Boo-Boo's last night (timothy's cat) hes so cute.
Timothy got mad at me cuz the cat was paying attention to me more than him Hahaha.

I actulley bought maternity clothes.
Isnt that suprising?
I look so doofy in maternity pants. I like the shirts i got though so tis okay.

I really miss having friends.
Ive been so lonley :-/

I miss courtney and the odness of conversations that we had. I miss the talks we had on the phone and the advice that she gave me.I miss being close to her.
I miss goofing off with tiffany at the mall and just being silly.
I miss seeing dave and tom and donelle and joelle and justin and pat and keith and joel and everyone else that i talked to all the time.

I miss racahel. I miss the closeness we had,  I miss sneaking out and doing stupid shit when we knew we were going to get caught anyway. I really miss having a best friend.. :[    i really hate fighting with her.

I miss going to the mall on friday nights to see everyone.

*sigh*

But what can ya do ya know?

ANYWAY...Ive been listening and reading  all the things that have been said about joelle and ghost being together.I really think that they should leave her alone. Shes a grown woman she knows what she wants and knows how to take care of herself. Shes not a stupid girl and i htink people unerestimate her. Just because you dont like it doesnt mean she cant. People should be happy that shes so happy. Ive never seen her as happy as she has been latley SO GO YOU JOELLE!! GO ON WITH YOUR BADSELF!! AHAHAHA


And really it reminds me of when me timothy got together no one wanted it to happen and everyone got mad. And said shit.
But then they realized that we were going to listen and ignored all the obstacles and look at us now were married and having a baby. So you never know what will come of thigns.


Okay im done ranting.
Love you all..You sons of bitches.

(remember kids i insult you because i care)

9 thoughts | think of me

[05 Oct 2006|01:05pm]
Well i know everyones been waiting to know what the babys gender is..

Well we went to the doctors yesterday and found out were having a baby girl.

Im so excited.I cant wait till february, So i can see her Lol..

I have to go to albany med to get another ultrasound done cuz the doctor said he heard an echo in the heartbeat or  something so i have to go make sure everythings ok...But yea

Last night was so fucking messed up.
I went to work at like 10pm cuz i work over nights but i didnt have to stay all night cuz i only had to do cbl's so i stayed until aorund 1230 and came home to find out that tim had brought his fucking stupid ass friend over I dont even remember her name but shes an idiot. Aj matt and chris were also here which i dont mind them really.

But timothy wanted to get some smirnoff and aj was like well get me some to and blah blah blah...So i found out that the girl who is like 17 i think was going to drink i told tim she couldnt and he got all mad but i didnt care i dont need some girl idk drunk at my house. But then i decided that she could only have 3 beers and then she had to stop cuz she had already had one before she got here. So he said ok and promised she owuldnt.

Next thing i found out that her and aj are making a bunch of noise in the kitchen so i told tim she could not drink anymore because shes gettin loud so he said okay and talked to her about it and she got mad and said "well why cant i drink if i bought some of it? its my beer"...Well you dumb bitch its my house and my rules, DUH!...so i told tim if she wanted to she could leave and drink if it was that big of deal i didnt get into it anymore because me and timothy started to fight about her and tim. So i went to bed with timothy.

I woke up to find the house completly trashed.
There was pizza A WHOLE PIZZA slapped down onto the kitchen counter. there was pizza dough all through the stove...There were paper plates and dishes all over the house. And many empty beer bottles. Aj told me she had like 5 or 6 last night and her and tim left before i got up..

So now im extremly pissed off and want to kill tim..

But other than that Im Good.
7 thoughts | think of me

[01 Oct 2006|06:56pm]
I actulley cooked something today woot. GO ME.

I made beef stew..wellmore like beef soup.? Lol...

Its not that thick so it needs some work, but hey im gettin there.

Tiffany if u read this, you should definitly make some plans with me to like come over or meet up at the mall when u dont have to work...cuz i miss you and courtney terribly.

i need to go out more Lol.

But yea when u guys r free let me know.


Im hungry.
I need more food Lol.

Yuppp im outtie
1 thought | think of me

Bitch Your Buyin Me That Fuckin Toy!!! [30 Sep 2006|10:22pm]
Ok wow. i actulley havent updated my journal in like forever with some actual writing so i think i might sit here and type something useful to myself.
Please ignore all typing errors and misspellings because im not going tot ake the time to look at my screen to fix them or go back and read it to make sure its spelled right. Sorry to lazy.

Well the last few weeks have been up and down for me.
Idk how to explain it. Ive been all over the place and cant undersatnd why.

People have been over like almost every single day for thepast 3 weeks.
So i think im not gonna have anyone over for a while cuz it drives me nuts.
Last week i got so sick of sitting inside the house that i convinced timothy to go to rock n bowl for a little while.
That was nice.
It was me matt greg timothy aj and mike martel.
It was nice to go back there and just hang out and have a good time with out the drama starters.

Sundays have become pretty intresting ive been listening in on the game that timothy and them play its called White Wolf. Kinda like D&D but alot more intresting?
Randy's makin me a character so i can join in on the game.
Im gonna be a cool as vampire..whos married to a wolv.e which in actullality would never happen. but hey it works.
 

I was supposed to find out what the baby was on thursday but timothy had to work so i didnt get to. Cuz i didnt wanna go alone so i rescheduled it for wensday.

I really cant wait until i find out.
I hope its a boy but i mean ill be happy either way as long as its healthy and where its supposed to be.

I havent been doing all that much the last couple days mostly hanging out with my husband at home with people here, the usual matt greg aj and stuart are here...Tim was here earlier with two girls i didnt know..They were creepy.
One sat there and didnt talk what so ever and just stared at you and the other one was a complete bitch to Aj which was kinda funny.

Now everyones sittin around eatin Domino's Pizza and playin tekin on the xbox thats what consists of most of my nights is playing video games with the guys..




That gets kinda lonley after a while because i dont have friends of my own to hang out with..
Timothy said i should talk to more people but why bother?
Im not going to have anything in common with anyone in 4 months.
I'll have a baby while other girls are going to school and out partying.
Not saying i dont want a baby im very happy that im having a baby, it just gets lonley i guess.

Idk people dont understand me anymore.

My week wont consist of much. Tommrows White Wolf Night.
Monday i go down to dss to talk to some case manager person about my medical insurance.
Tuesday im prolly hanging around the house., hopefully no one will come over and i can relax.
Wensday is doctors appt ...


rest of the week is just what ever comes i guess.
I really hope walmart calls soon.
I got a job there.
But im waiting for them to call for my orientation.


Blah.
Life is getting so boring.
think of me

Something i found in my old journal [25 Sep 2006|10:57pm]
I found this in my old journal...

ITS OLD..

Like from last october i think??



as we spoke for hours on a porch by the sea,
I realized that you poured forth the courage
As you left home to enlist in an endless war,
I thought I'd never see you again, and dared not ask for more.

But we were reunited
and seeing you I became shy again.
I flirted with another, craving your attention.
I watched you stand tall, moving boldly through the room,
Handsome in your crisp dress uniform.
My mind was filled with innocent clichés
as you lay white gloves on the table and
extended bare hands to mine.

Dance with me before you die
Spin with me before you fall
Laugh with me before you cry
This night’s just for you and I
Take this one face to recall

Our cheeks kissed as our lips didn't
as we swayed along to an old standard.
Would I be the last girl you held before you left?
Please don't make me love you.
I don't want to mourn when all that remains
is an empty uniform.
And yet your blue eyes that always seem to cry
remain looking at mine.
I am tumbling, though I fall for so few.

Soon there will be an ocean between us,
But my mind will stand on the shore
where we first met, waiting for you
to lay down your arms and surrender to mine.
We are the warrior and maid of the new century.
Let us write the oldest story of all.
think of me

Dee Da Dee..In 2012 you will have to start working again!!!! [14 Sep 2006|07:31am]
Whoa time for an update bitches.

Lets see.
Nothing new really...

Me and timothy are doing awsome.
Willie and his pregnent gf came over yesterday for dinner.
Shes do in october though so shes alot bigger than me.

Schools been going on this week.
I kinda miss waking up early to go on the bus to see everyone.
But i am glad i dont have to go to school for 7 hours anymore.

I kinda feel like life is passing so quickly.
I mean im already married..pregnent and out of high school.
Ive already moved out of my parents house.
 Its weird.


Sometimes i wish i could be 15 again and be able to go hang out at the mall for ever and be content with  myself.

Dont get me wrong i love where i am.
I have a great husband who i love dearly.
And we have a baby on the way which is great.

You just kinda miss things sometimes ya know.


My kitten is getting so big.
I love her shes adorable.
Especially when she sleeps on timothys head.
Hehe.<3

matts been here since friday.
it doesnt bother me.
i like the company.


Timothy went to work today.
Im gonna miss him being home all day.


Im done.

END


I Love You Timothy
And all who i like.
3 thoughts | think of me

[09 Sep 2006|03:25pm]
Wow. Havent updated in a couple days.
So yea.

Went to the mall last night..twas fun.
I got to see alot of people i havent seen
Hung out with cassie for the night mostly.



dont feel like going into detail about shit right now..will do later.

Got home.
Greg and matt were here...we all chilled for a bit.

I IM'ed rachael...to explain to her why i cant trust her and said she lied to alot of people.
She said prove it.
Well she cant tell me who said the rumor about me cuz shes "a true friend" but she cant stick up for her "best friends"...

Yea bullshit i know she said it.
But oh well.
Immaturity i suppose.

One of her stupid ass fucking friends IM'ed me and started shit.
He really should stay out of my buisness because he doesnt know what would come to him if he didnt.

And yea.
I chatted with cassie online for a while.
She kept me calm.
Awsome.


Oh and melissa dear if you read this.
I have to give it to you for doing the right thing and ending that argument.
Go you.


Im done.
3 thoughts | think of me

Dedicated to my husban...(Look Below) [31 Aug 2006|11:40am]
Im dedicating this song to timothy...
Yea..You will see why.




"Forgive Me"

Can you forgive me again?
I don't know what I said
But I didn't mean to hurt you

I heard the words come out
I felt that I would die
It hurt so much to hurt you


Then you look at me
You're not shouting anymore
You're silently broken

I'd give anything now
to kill those words for you

Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you."
But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah.

'Cause you were made for me
Somehow I'll make you see
How happy you make me

I can't live this life
Without you by my side
I need you to survive


So stay with me
You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.

And you forgive me again
You're my one true friend
And I never meant to hurt you



1 thought | think of me

Dont let me be left behind...Please say youll grab my hand and run away with me. [31 Aug 2006|11:29am]
"Anywhere"

Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me
And dear my love, haven't you longed to be free
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you
And at sweet night, you are my own
Take my hand


We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name

I have dreamt of a place for you and I
No one knows who we are there
All I want is to give my life only to you
I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore
Let's run away, I'll take you there

We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the mornings light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where no one needs a reason

Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No one's left to stop you

Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No one's left to stop you now
think of me

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